I haven't been blogging because I don't feel I can update my families life without adding this experience yet I still get a tightness in my chest just thinking about this story, it makes me think this is how a heart attack feels. I was horrible and I don't feel comfortable talking about it (that was a typo but honestly that is how I feel). When I recanted what happened for my parents, a week later, I tried to add a laugh here and there to make it not sound so wretched. (My parents had just left for Cuba that morning and I didn't want to tell them till they came home as not to ruin their vacation.) The laughter did not help and in my head I could tell it made me sound like I thought the situation was comical almost like I didn't realize the seriousness of what happened.
Beth almost died Saturday, March 28.
The admittance notice at Children's Hospital stated near drowning. But to me it was and is so much more, worse... thankfully we have a happy ending our story could be very different. I still get caught up in the wretchedness of it.
Jeff and I were working on our basement that day. We had almost finish the drywall the the spare room and needed to clear out all of the stuff in the play room and spare room in order to mud. I had just started organizing/cleaning out the utility room to make space for everything. Beth had been cranky and clingy all morning then when she woke up from her afternoon nap and pooped she was finally happy and content. She was really starting to walk well that day, going through the rooms just holding on to the odd piece of furniture as needed. Thom wanted to play hide and go seek with Beth and Dada and found a great spot by me behind our luggage. Beth had just been in the other room with Jeff handing him tools. Thom got bored as no one was coming to find him and went in search of Beth. I had just finished cleaning out as spot for our tubs of baby cloths and decided to go use the bathroom before moving them since I had no children hanging on my leg. As I walked out the the room following the same path as Thom had taken I happened to glance to the right. Out of a bucket I saw some feet, at first I thought it was Beth's doll Annabell that she had gotten from Ava for her birthday. Then I noticed a pink hood, Annabell doesn't have a hood. I rushed over to the bucket and grabbed the feet and out came Beth, blue limp and floppy just like her doll.
(As I type this my heat beat is rising just from the mental picture. The bucket was there to catch water that came out of our hot water tank. we had had it there for at least 2 years and never thought anything of it. I can't believe that we had never thought of it. When Beth started crawling I had changed the dog's water bowl from a 4-5 inch bowl to a 1 inch bowl which we have to fill up at least 2 times a day because I didn't want her to drowned in it! I am in disbelief with myself that I would change a dog bowl and not think of a bucket that we had in our basement that we could have easily and should have changed to a different system.)
Beth was not responsive, she had no heart beat and was not breathing, I dont know why but I carried her floppy body to the floor in the playroom (which is around the corner) before I checked. (Moving her was just like moving a doll, she was not warm but sopping wet from the water in my basement-I can still feel her in my arms. I had her doll hidden for a while but have now brought it out, the sight of it no longer makes me flash back but I know I avoid touching it.)In my head I was calling Jeff, however he told me he came because he heard me screaming 'oh my God! oh my God! oh my God!' (oddly I consider taking the Lords name in vain a swear maybe I ment it as a prayer, I don't recall anything but Beth in those first moments). Jeff came running into the room I can remember him asking where the phone was and saying he was goning to call 911. As he ran for the phone Thom asked me if Beth was dead - I dont know what I said, but I know that was my worry too!
I started to do CPR, chest compressions and breaths, I don't know for how long but she wasn't as blue anymore. I felt a rapid pulse but I didnt know if it was mine or hers so I kept pumping her heart and breathing. She started to breath on her own but it seemed like it was once a minute, I knew it was not often enough so I still gave her air inbetween her own breaths. I was giving her at least 2 breaths for everyone of hers, at this time her head/neck was starting to crack in my hands I was worried she broke her neck in the fall. I yelled this upstairs to Jeff and the 911 operator told Jeff to get me to stabilize her upper body. I tilted her forward hoping the water that I thought was in her would drain out and I took off her wet cloths then went back to the breathing for her as Jeff walked down the stairs and told me stabilize her neck and he covered her with a towel to keep her warm.
The 911 operator said she had dispatched an ambulance, I asked Jeff to stabilize Beth and I ran upstairs to get dry cloths on and change Thom and pack him some stuff. I also got more blankets for Beth a pullup for Thom (I didnt know how long we would be) a sleeper and a diaper for Beth and packed toys with Thom for at the hospital. He even chosed toys for Bethie. I got back down stairs and Beth had started to cry and was trying to move. I took over from Beth and he went to go watch for the ambulance. After what felt an hour an emergency SUV from Lockport arrived and the paramedics came downstairs. They looked at her and were going to give her oxygen but their tank would not work, her colour wasn't perfect but it was better then when I found her. The ambulance from Selkirk arrived shortly after and they brought in the oxygen from that vehicle. They checked her vitals asked me if she had opened her eyes and I said no, Jeff said she did once while I was upstairs (the o2 in her blood was 42% and at the hops they told me they are happy if it is 92% or higher) and we brought her upstairs they asked me where we wanted to take her and I said the best place so we drove into Winnipeg to Children's she was not happy, she was crying, not a cry I had ever heard before. I don't know when I started to cry but I know I was when the paramedics were there. (Jeff gave me a hug at the top of the stairs and I know I was crying from all the feelings I knew we both had).
Jeff and I kept trying to not exclude Thom so we would say things like 'you are such a helper carrying that bag, wow how nice that you packed Beth some toys too, thankyou for being so patient, why dont you go into the living room with Dada and watch for the ambulance-Thankyou for helping with that! Put on that shirt it looks great, why dont we race to put on our pants! - I dont know about Jeff but for me it sounded so forced each time I heard one of us say something to him because all I wanted to think about was Beth.
Beth's eyes were open when we were in the ambulance and the paramedic asked when she ate last, which was before her nap, she woke up at 4:30pm so she would have been hungry if she was acting normal. On to clock in the ambulance it said it was 6:35 (later in the drive I noticed that the clock had not changed time-batery must have been dead). I tried to nurse her after the paramedics said it couldnt hurt her. She suckled, but then she could not cry so I could not tell if she was alive that scared me, I prefered the crying because then she had to breath. The whole time her eyes were closed I can remember telling her "keep breathing, keep breathing', between my blubbering. The paramedic was monitoring her oxygen levels and I know she said they were getting better, but we were still blowing air into her face, she wasn't improving on her own (in my mind).
An odd thought went through my mind while in the ambulance, I had alway wanted to ride in one my whole life, and I remember Evelyn telling me about being one and telling me it wasn't all that and yet I was jealous. I was not jealous on that day, I felt like I couldn't breath, I couldn't do anything to make my baby better, it was an awful waiting game.
We got to the hospital then the paramedics put me in wheel chair so I could hold Beth and keep giving her air while we went to the entrance and got triaged. The nurse took her O2 levels and they were in the 80's. Her eyes were so dialated she had no iris just black pupils dialates so much they were ringed only with white. She still was not responding to me. I was still telling her to breath. That was the first time she coughed. it was in the hall there, 2 coughs. I was told there I think that children don't usually died in water with in there lungs, but that their throat closes up and they affixiate only from lack of oxygen. Part of the closing up could be locking the jaw, which could have accounted for the cracking/popping we heard and felt while laying on the floor in our basement. Thinking back I could remember the 911 operator told Jeff to have me check Beth's airways (which I had forgotten to do) and I could not get her mouth open far enough to check for an obstruction and vomit.
They hospital pushed me to a room luckly with a tv. I remember it was on Chef Ramseys show on that was not calming at all. This is when I remember starting to pray, and thinking I can't ask God not to take her, it might be her time and not to be brain damaged what if that is God's plan, and how will this affect my marrage if Beth died or was brain damaged would that push us together or apart, were we strong enough? how will everything effect Thom? but what about Baby Beth? How long will we wonder what will happen to her? I wished I could turn back the clock and start the day over. So I sat there in a near dark room while Chef Ramsey was swearing, asking God to do what ever He thought best for my family and Beth.
Eventually, my in-laws and Jeff and Thom arrived, they seemed to come in at the same time. Jeff said he did 150km the whole way to Children's as he couldnt leave till he changed out of his wet clothes and have Thommy use the bathroom. I saw Jeff sob for the first time ever in memory when his Mom hugged him (he had not shed a tear to my knowledge the whole time up till that point, and I did not see him cry again). My brother showed up shortly after and then my sister and her friend Dana, my brother couldnt get ahold of Ang or Brad so he drove to their house on the way to the hospital and told Brad at the door, he then called her as she was out at Chop for dinner and they all came to the hospital support us)
The reason I was thankful for the TV was I knew it could be used to babysit Thom. Even with 6 adults (Ang left to drive Dana home at one point) it was hard to concentrate on anything. Dave, my father in law took Thom for a bunch of walks, Tim, Jeff and Goni all read stories to him (ones we brought and ones full of germs from the hospital - yuck!) but in the hours that we were there Jeff and I needed help from treehouse. I have no clue what time we got there, Jeff and I figure 'IT' must of happened between 6 and 6:30pm because we didnt eat dinner. Yet neither of us were hungry, Goni got Thom some mac n cheese to eat when they brought us coffee. After Ang got back she brought us all some subs but we were not hungry - only Thommy.
When Beth would fall asleep in the hospital her o2 levels would drop, so we kept giving her air. When Beth awoke and saw Goni she obviously wanted her so she held her while I finally went to the bathroom. Everyone was happy she did that but that was not a large enough sign for me I wanted to see her do more, her eyes were still only big black pupils and she kept falling asleep. Jeff gave me another hug on the way out, I kept my crying in check though until I got the the bathroom it was a nice place to go and sob great big heaving sobs, I am certain the people in the rooms around the bathroom were all looking at me when I left. My brother wanted to see her wag her tonge like she does for him, Dave was trying to get her to honk his nose, Ang wanted a great big Beth smile, I wanted a 'hi' and I think Goni was happy with anyting and everything. We went to x-ray to check out her chest for water and as a base point to check her the next day as she could get a secondary infection in her lungs from the water. At this point it was just monitoring her hourly, checking her blood work, lungs and waiting, there was nothing they could do to check her brain then. We were lucky that Beth saw more doctors then nurses while we were there. Due to so many people coming in and out of our room we did have to recount the story numerous times, I was shock that social services never came to talk to us.
The waiting was awful! Beth woke up at one point and Jeff tickled her and she tryed to tickle back and did a small smile, people in the room were happy, but it still wasnt enough for me. During the evening she puked 4 times and was given tylenal for a fever and an IV. (Jeff figures the fever was because I was holding her so tight with blankets and a hot pack, the fever went down with the lack of wraping as she vomited up the tylenal - at the time an elevated temp could have ment she was getting an infection). I think my brother and sister left between midnight and 1am. The doctor came in and told us her blood work was better then expected but she still needed to be monitored and would be kept at least overnight. They were waiting on a room, I think it was about 2am when we were told one was not available right then but it could change.
Later we were told one would not become available and we would be staying in the ER. Jeff, Thom and my inlaws left then and the nurse put in an IV and checked her levels. I tried to get some sleep (didnt work).
It was about 4:30am when we switched rooms to the C4 ward we were in the a room that was 1 nurse for 2 patients so that the children could have constent monitoring. At the time of the move we stopped giving her O2 which was about 4:30 in the morning because her levels were stable even when sleeping 90 to 94%. At the 4:30 check, her eyes were still dialated but you could see her iris which was nice, but still I was worried. At 5:30 after her check her O2 levels were within the normal ranges so the doctor decided to change the monitoring to every 2 hours. At that point I fell asleep until Beth's roommate awoke unhappy around 7:10am. Beth also woke up and for the first time her eyes were normal, it was very nice! She peed for the first time and that was exciting! She ate a little food when breakfast came but was nursing alot. She still had her IV aswell. She was very content to be in my arms gazing at me but she didnt seems as tiredas the night before. We called Jeff at home to ask for some clothes around 9:30 and she wanted the cell phone, of course I gave it to her and she said 'hi' and was smiling.
After a couple hours she started to want to move. I asked the nurse to unpluge the IV from the wall and switching it back to battery power. Beth changed into a walker that weekend, she could go all the way out of our room and down the hall to the next ward, where we would turn around and go back (a nurse told me there was some VERY sick contagious kids over there). The ward wanted to release us after doing another chest xray, as Beth appeared fine, but they needed her doctor to sign off. There was a woops, they wrote down the wrong doctors name on the file and Dr. D, Beth's doctor had just left when they had figured it out. After talking to the doctor telling her what happened she told the staff that she didnt want us released until the next set of blood tests were in and the xrays were done. Jeff then brought me McDonalds for breakfast and new cloths and tolietries. We went for the xray (both times she sat on a little bike seat and there was a tube that went around her from her hips to the top of her head, and it was velcroed closed with her arms lifted above her head)
After the xray I met my sister and brother in the hall, they were bringing us snacks and clothes as they did not know if we had gone home. After a visit with Beth and seeing how interactive she was they left (releived I would assume).
Later the doctor came in and told us that her blood work came back and was pristine! The night before it was better then expected but today, pristine! Her xrays came back with no changes. Everything seemed okay, however if she seems more sleepy then currently (using Sunday as the guidline since she was still more doopy then normal), develops a fever and has any flu like symptoms to come straight to the ER and tell them we were just released for a near drowning. I of course asked if they could tell if she suffered any brain damage but they cannot however with her moving around, saying hi and interacting with people she seems fine from there veiw point. I recall saying to Jeff during this conversation, how will we not think everytime she brings home a poor mark that it has to do with 'this'?
Anyways, by the time we left it felt like a huge amount of our time and energy had been spent. I was shocked to see the sun still shining when we left!
Jeff and I estimate Beth as unaccounted for maybe 5 minutes leaving her in the water for 2 to 5 minutes. Then it took about 2 minutes of CPR before she started to breath (unsure how long until she started to breath at regular intervals).
The therapist I saw after the fact said I need to understand that this story is personal and no one will be able to feel the same as I do as it is my story. I don't know if you wanted to read about my nightmare. I don't really want to relive the day, I want to keep this to my elf -along with my shame. But, I can only pray that as a result of reading this people will take another look around their homes and outside the home and see any potential water dangers. Unfortunately we can't see everything. Because accidents happen either at home or elsewhere everyone needs to take first aid & CPR and ensure anyone watching their children has taken first aid & CPR.
As time has passed I no longer have 'flashbacks' it feels almost like a bad dream, like a nightmare that was all in my head. Sometimes when the kids are quiet in the van or I am alone, I still get that tight feeling and my mind thinks back to those horrible moments. I know that I just need to be thankful that God chose to leave me my child and give me such a wonderful ending to what could have been heartbreaking. Everytime I see her do something new I cheer, it makes me feel so bless to have my perfect baby back when she was at deaths door. I am so lucky God let me keep her! I just know I will gain so much from Him letting me and my whole family be with her and hopefully grow old watching her.
Please, make sure everyone has first aid and CPR
I am comfortable with people sharing this story via email, blog or verbal. I do hope people can learn from what happened to us to help prevent a tragedy.
